Is it okay to have a 13th article? Or would that be bad luck? Buildings either omit the 13th floor, make it a maintenance floor or refer to it as the Penthouse Suites and charge three time normal rates. The number 13 is thought by many to be a forewarning. It is often associated with death, as if death were something dark and scary. Death is an ending of one phase to bring forth a new one. The end of the day brings sunsets so that we may enjoy a coming sunrise. Life would have a little less magical wonder if caterpillars didn’t sleep themselves into butterflies, if tadpoles did not spring out of the water as frogs or if flowers didn’t give themselves up to become fruit.
Everything must die before something new can happen. You may have chosen to end your single lifestyle to join another in marriage. To have a child is a huge transition ending one way of life to move towards another. Old ways must lose their grip for new beginnings to sprout, emerge and take root. What does this have to do with weight loss? Everything. Permanent weight loss, and any type of healing, is a transformational process of the body and life, but it is also one of the mind, heart and spirit.
Having said that, I have four solid questions to prompt transformation that will bring wind to your sails and make weight loss easier, more comfortable and ensure permanent results. While I am offering these for your weight loss objectives, these questions can be used for any area of your life where you feel stuck and need to shake something loose. Let the questions simmer. Answers will rise up in their own time. You may even get some insights from your dreams. Write all four questions down (in your own words if you prefer), then be sure to look at them regularly.
Question One
What are the benefits of staying heavier than your best body size?
Another way to ask the same question: What is comfortable and safe about being overweight?
Look for answers in ALL directions. It isn’t about having the same answer as other people, it is about finding the answers that resonate true for you personally based on who you are, your life and experiences. Write down everything that comes to the surface, in whatever order it arrives. Insights are as fragile as snowflakes and as fluttery as a butterfly. Jot them all down quickly so you don’t lose them. Everything is significant. Seemingly insignificant insights are often stepping stones. Each stone is a part of the path.
Question Two
What will you lose by being your best body size?
A variation of this question could be: What scary things do you anticipate once you are your best body size? Are your vulnerabilities somehow linked to your body size?
People are often scared of change, not because they are scared of changing, but because deep inside they fear both the benefits AND the losses that are believed to come as a result of the change. There is also resistance to change because it requires a person step outside of their known territory directly into uncharted terrain.
When I see someone exploring outside of their territory I am reminded of my pets when I have moved house. During the packing, move and arrival my animals are freaked out. They think every new person, box, packing paper, smell, color, space and sound is a life or death situation. I have had a number of animals and each one had their own totally unique panic buttons, survival mechanisms, fears and adjustment process. Slowly over time my animals come into a new normal.
People move through a similar process during change. There is resistance, fear, uncertainty, confusion, and hypersensitivity. Then slowly, since they don’t die they become a bit more flexible, curious, adventuresome and comfortable as they step into a new normal.
Question Three
Who benefits if you become a smaller you? And how will they benefit?
There may be more than one person
Is there a connection between your loss (question two) and this person’s gain?
Here is a removed example to explain.
A non-smoker wants their partner to stop smoking. At first it is a request out of loving concern. As time passes the request has become an angry nagging event rising and falling like the ocean tides, but never as pretty nor soothing. Inwardly the smoker knows it is a good idea and wants to, but the smoker refuses because they don’t want their non-smoking partner to get their way. The smoker believes they are in control of their life, but are they?
Question Four
Who loses if you shed the excess weight?
There may be more than one person
A clue to identify another person’s sense of loss as you lose weight is when a good relationship becomes difficult or problematic for no obvious reason.
What are they losing in your/their opinion?
Each question asks you to forage for all the needles in the haystack. There are more needles than you could imagine. As you get new insights, be careful not to tumble into negative self-talk. Just as you extend a “Thank You” to the giver of a gift, even if it isn’t what you wanted, offer a gracious “Thank You” to your inner wisdom for forwarding the information you requested. The goal of these questions is to become aware of and clear obstacles, not add to them. The answers reveal the path one answer at a time. It is the path you are looking for, not the destination. The path will get you where you want and more.
Transformational shifts can be recognized. It may be a deep natural breath that settles and stills the spirit. The heart may soften. Words and behaviors once impossible or uncomfortable are now easy and natural. Maybe there is an attraction and liking for what was avidly repulsive in the past. Instead of grasping for breath you are floating on water.
Life is to be lived. Take a step or two out of your territory. Explore, experience and expand new healthy normals. Do it regularly. You always have the option of going back. Allow the questions to do their work. And remember that I am only a phone call away. You are NOT alone. I have a keen sense for narrowing the focus simply and comfortably for successful outcomes. We will even smile and laugh as we get there.
Warmest,
Krista Umgelter
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